


Does the Hero Not Weep?

by DaveandKen_Archivist



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Angst, Case Fic, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-13
Updated: 2011-08-13
Packaged: 2018-08-17 01:18:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaveandKen_Archivist/pseuds/DaveandKen_Archivist
Summary: Starsky's hurt again and Hutch is conscience stricken because he'd been mad at him before it happened.





	

**Author's Note:**

> by Dararose.
> 
> Note from the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Dave & Ken's Diner](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Dave_%26_Ken%27s_Diner), which experienced a drop in traffic to low levels following the opening of the official Starsky & Hutch archive. Still wanting to preserve the archive, Open Doors began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. An announcement was posted to OTW media channels, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact the archivist using the e-mail address on [ Dave and Ken's Diner collection profile](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/daveandkensdiner/profile).

 

DOES THE HERO NOT WEEP?

  
A hero's strong and brave  
In danger unswayed,  
But, please, can you tell me,  
Is the hero afraid?

His courage is legend,  
Heroic deeds testify,  
But, can you tell me, please,  
Does the hero cry?

The hero is human  
Just like you and I,  
If cut, he does bleed,  
If wounded, can die.

Just a person who cares,  
A hero can be,  
An ordinary person,  
Just like you or me.

So I must ask you,  
When the price is too steep,  
Like the life of another,  
Does the hero not weep?...Anne 

  
"Well, this is it," Hutch sighed, carrying the last of the plants in from the  
car. It was becoming increasingly difficult to find a place to set them  
down. Every surface; the tables, the windowsills, even areas of the  
floor, were covered with a profusion of growing greenery. Starsky stuck his  
head out of the bedroom, where he was in the process of putting together  
shelves, since they'd already put as many hooks in the ceiling as they  
thought they could get away with. He was beginning to wonder if their moving  
in together at his place was practical. The plan seemed ideal at the time,  
but Starsky had forgotten Hutch's predilection for plant life and his  
apartment's lack of a greenhouse.

"Jeez, Hutch, haven't ya ever heard of plant control? Why do ya just let  
these things reproduce like this? They're going to take over the whole  
apartment. Now we gotta go out and get some more shelves so we can move  
around in here. Man, sometimes I feel like I'm back in Nam with all these  
things danglin' in front of me..." Seeing Hutch's face, he realized he was  
being a nag and bit his tongue.

"Sorry, Starsk, I never expected to fall in love with an anti-plant activist.  
I can't just throw 'em in the trash. You might look at all those pumpkins on the  
steps outside, before you start bitching at me. I almost broke my neck falling over  
one of 'em. I suppose they're useful 'cause you're going to make pies out of 'em  
after Halloween?"

The picture of his partner in an apron baking pies brought a smile to his  
face.

"Damn, I love to hear ya say that!"

"What, that you're an anti-plant activist?" Hutch asked innocently, knowing  
full well what Starsky was talking about.

"No, that you're in love with me. Makes me hot everytime I hear it."

Hutch maneuvered around the furniture and vegetation to reach his partner and  
wrap his arms around him, pressing his body close. He nuzzled Starsky's neck  
and ran his tongue up into his ear.

"Uh, ya keep doing that and we'll be late meetin' Dobey, and we haven't  
exactly been on his good side since we had those roses sent to him with I  
LOVE YOU, FROM GLORIA, on the card. How do ya think he figured out that was  
us, anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know, Starsk, maybe it was the way you paled when Edith got her  
hands on you. You don't exactly have a poker face when it comes to things  
like that, you know. Guilt, my friend, should have been your middle name."

"Like you're any better. You can pout for weeks when something happens that  
you even imagine is your fault. At least, I get mine out of my system."

"Yeah, by beating your head against the wall for a few days."

Starsky reached out and stroked Hutch's cheek, then patted it.

"Ya know how ya look when your eyes flash like that? If we don't get out of  
this house within seconds, we ain't goin'."

That was all the impetus it took to get Hutch moving, not that he wanted to,  
but the job was waiting.

As they left, Starsky winked at him, "Hey, how about we go dancin' tomorrow  
night? It's the weekend."

"Starsky, the world's just not ready to see two men dancing together, especially  
two Detective Sergeants."

"Yeah, but it's fun to think about the looks on everybody's faces."

Dobey had told them to come in late in the day, which usually meant they  
would be on a stakeout that night, so they went right to his office for the  
briefing.

"Starsky, when are you going to learn to knock?" Dobey asked exasperated.

"When ya goin' to give up askin', Cap'n?" Starsky quipped back.

"Do you know, with any other Captain of Detectives, that would be considered  
insubordination?"

"I know, but you ain't just any other cap'n, you're ours, and after all we  
been through together, why stand on ceremony? Or, maybe you were planning on  
having Gloria in here with you?"

"STARSKY!" Hutch tried to reel in his irrepressible friend before he got  
them in too deep, but Dobey seemed inclined to let the matter drop with only  
an evil look at his partner. After all, they'd already done their time on  
traffic detail for that little stunt.

"Nothing's been going on around here for awhile, so I'm loaning you two to  
the 14th for stakeout duty. They've been investigating some drug  
dealings down by the waterfront and they need several teams to cover the  
area. Don't drive that circus wagon of yours, Starsky!"

"And ya know how much we love stakeouts, right?" Starsky griped.

"Well, it's either that or traffic detail tomorrow morning," Dobey snarled.

"Okay, we'll do it, Cap'n!" Starsky hopped up and left the room after giving  
the captain a salute, leaving Hutch to get all the details.

Dobey turned a quizzical look on the other half of his favorite team of  
detectives. "What the hell is up with him? He hasn't been the same since  
you two went on your vacation. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's in love  
again."

Hutch blushed. "You never know with him, Cap." He was also wondering  
just where his partner had needed to go in such a hurry.

Starsky was in search of Andy Martin, one of the young uniformed patrolmen.  
He'd gotten close to Andy because of their mutual interest in cars. Andy was  
impressed with the Torino and could have been a great mechanic if he hadn't  
chosen police work. He'd given Starsky a lot of tips about his car. They  
had developed a friendship and enjoyed getting together occasionally, usually  
with Hutch at Huggy's. Starsky hadn't had a chance to ask Andy about the  
spark plugs he was thinking of changing to since they'd gotten back, and he  
considered it an important enough question that he'd decided to seek him out.  
He found him in the cafeteria and they launched into a lengthy discussion  
about the topic.

As soon as Hutch collected the facts from Dobey, he set out to find his  
partner, worrying about the way he'd left. It wasn't like Starsky to be so  
flippant when it came to the job. When he rounded the corner to the  
cafeteria and saw him in earnest conversation, one arm leaning on Andy's  
shoulder, Hutch was introduced to a new phenomenon, jealousy. It took all he  
had to keep from going over and yanking his partner out of there by the arm  
and chewing him out. He knew it was ridiculous, but the man looked so  
adorable, he wished he could handcuff him to the bed for the rest of his life.

He was seething inside, but thought he managed to put on a pretty good face.  
Evidently his words came across more sharply than he intended, because when  
he came out with his partner's name, Starsky's eyes went wide, looking at  
Hutch for confirmation that there was nothing wrong.

"Let's go," he said tersely. Andy tried to say hi, but Hutch paid no  
attention to him. He started toward the parking garage, leaving the two men  
to look at each other in wonder. Starsky shrugged and followed his  
partner. He caught up with him at the car.

"Hutch, what's going on?"

"What's going on with you? I've never seen you just pick up and run out of  
Dobey's office like that. Where do you get off leaving me hanging?" Hutch  
was working up a full head of steam now. "First you complain about  
everything I bring into your apartment, then you're leaving me to get the  
details so you can go socialize with your buddy. Is the honeymoon over that  
fast?"

"Hutch, I don't know what's got ya in a dither, but I'm sorry. I just needed  
to see Andy for a minute and I thought no time like the present."

"Get in the car!"

"What?"

"Get. in. the. damn. car, now!"

Starsky had worked up some anger of his own by this time, but noticed there  
was quite a crowd in the parking garage, so he took the path of least  
resistance and got in the car.

"Damnit, Hutch, what is your problem? Since when do you give me orders?"

Hutch refused to talk to him.

"You owe me an explanation, buddy-boy, and I want it! Now!"

Most of the wind had gone out of Hutch's sails and he knew just how much he'd  
overreacted, but his pride wouldn't let him explain to his partner and lover  
how he'd felt seeing Starsky touching someone else the way he'd always  
touched him. So he kept quiet.

"H-U-U-T-CH?"

"When we get home, WE ARE goin' to discuss this!" Starsky gave up trying and  
was quiet the rest of the way to the waterfront.

Their vigil was silent, neither of them speaking to the other, taking turns  
sleeping in the back seat.

  
Twelve-year-old Tim Cavanaugh crept along the side of the derelict warehouse.  
It was darker than he'd imagined it would be and he was a little frightened.  
He'd trailed his older brother here without a problem, but now that Tony had  
entered the building, Tim felt exposed and alone. He'd begged Tony earlier  
not to have anything more to do with his drug connections, angry that his  
brother was peddling to some of his school buddies, but he didn't want to listen.  
Now Tim was determined to catch him at it and try again to get him to quit.  
If he didn't, the boy had decided to tell his parents, so they could do something  
about it.

  
Hutch was asleep when Starsky saw someone moving toward a warehouse close by.  
He smacked the blond none-too-gently and Hutch came awake immediately.

"I think we got something goin' on over there." Starsky pointed. They  
called for back up, drew their weapons and got out of the car.

Seeing no more movement, they both ran toward the building. They started  
working their way to the door on the other side of the run-down warehouse,  
Starsky from the alley and Hutch from the street side. Starsky picked up  
voices and heard enough through a broken window to tell that there were drugs  
involved. They ended up together on the other side of the building and heard  
gunfire inside. They'd both been witness to enough drug deals gone sour that  
they could figure out what had happened. Somebody was going to try to get  
away with the drugs and the money. They waited, one on each side of the  
door, knowing they should wait for backup, wondering where the hell it was.  
Then they saw the cars coming in without sirens. Evidently something alerted  
the two men inside that they needed to get out of there, so they headed out  
the door. Starsky and Hutch met them there, got their guns and cuffed them,  
but they had no idea if there was anyone still inside. They heard someone  
yell for help and Starsky impulsively ducked inside before Hutch could stop  
him. When the first backup unit finally met him at the door, he handed over  
his prisoners and took off after Starsky, a couple of teams from the 14th  
precinct on his heels.

>>>>>>>>>>>

Once inside, Tim hid between two, tall, heavy metal shelves, rusty with years  
of waterfront moisture and loaded with old cast iron machine parts. He saw  
two men holding a gun on his brother, yelling at him to turn over the money.  
When Tony wouldn't, one of the men shot him and yanked the money out of his  
hand. Seeing his brother shot down in front of him drove Tim back against  
one of the shelves and some of the rusty screws sheered off, letting parts  
fall onto the floor. A heavy box of parts fell on Tim's leg, effectively  
pinning him right where he was. The gunmen were startled and dove out the  
door, to find Starsky and Hutch waiting for them. When Tim realized they  
were gone, he called for help, not really expecting it to come.

>>>>>>>>>>>>

Starsky found Tim easily enough, even though the warehouse was dark. His  
flashlight cut through the dust that was still settling on the floor of the  
abandoned, old building and picked out a pale, frightened face. The shelves  
were creaking and Starsky knew that it was only a matter of time before more,  
maybe all of them went. He got to Tim, who was about a quarter of the way  
down from the end of the row.

"Hey, buddy, what's your name?"

"Tim, who're you?"

"I'm an undercover cop, Tim, I'm going to try to get you out of here. You  
have to move fast, though. If I can lift this box, you get to the end of the  
row as fast as your sneakers can fly, okay?"

"Yeah, fast as I can."

Starsky tried to pick the box up off the floor, but was only able to roll it  
off Tim's foot far enough so the boy could get up and run, dragging his leg,  
to the end of the row, where Hutch and the others pulled him to safety.  
Starsky lowered the box to the floor gently so he wouldn't cause any  
vibrations that could dislodge the rest of the creaking shelves. Just as he  
started to race for safety, another shelf gave way, causing more of the boxes  
to fall down in front of him, impeding his progress. Starsky's head jerked  
up and his eyes met Hutch's just as the whole shelf collapsed, crashing into  
the other one and sending both shelves to the floor, raining debris and  
raising so much dust that they all had to get back.

There was dead silence for a minute, as everyone tried to grasp what they had  
just witnessed, then they scrambled into the mass of metal, headed for the  
spot they'd last seen the detective. Hutch knew that if one of those boxes  
had hit him, there was little chance that he would be alive. His only hope  
was that the shelving had fallen in a way that might shelter Starsky and keep  
some of the parts from falling full force onto him.

It seemed like eons before one of the men called, "I've got 'im!" and Hutch  
pushed his way through the group to get the first sight of his partner.  
He dropped to his knees and tried to rouse him, but there was no response.  
The paramedics had arrived and they pushed him out of the way and started to  
work on the unconscious detective. He was still alive, but not by much. By  
this time, Dobey had joined the group of men watching, powerless to do  
anything to help Starsky. His biggest worry right now was Hutch. This had  
happened too many times. Starsky had faced death in a very real way fifteen  
months ago and returning to the force had taken every ounce of Starsky's will  
and strength.. Hutch had been extremely stressed when Starsky was able to  
come back to work. He'd confided in his captain that he'd rather face desk  
duty for the rest of his life in order to keep his partner safe. But  
Starsky wanted nothing more than to be back on the streets again, and Hutch  
had no choice in the matter. All he had was anxiety, which he carried coiled  
like a rattler in his gut. It was no wonder he'd earned the nickname of  
"mom" from his partner.

The paramedics were getting ready to transport Starsky, so Dobey grabbed the  
arm of the shocky blond detective and pulled him toward his car. Hutch came  
along, unresisting, and they followed the ambulance to the hospital. Dobey  
tried to get some response out of the younger man, but he didn't say a word.

  
Starsky was rushed into the ER before the men could ask any questions. Dobey  
went to find someone to look at Hutch. He was disturbed by the mans pallor and  
listlessness. He took the time to call Edith and Huggy, as well as Metro to  
let them know what was happening. Then he sat down next to Hutch to wait.  
It wasn't a long time before a doctor he knew from a previous visit motioned  
to him.

"Dr. Rice, how are you?"

"We sent him up to surgery already. We'll get the necessary films and tests  
done up there. I don't want you to get your hopes up. David suffered some  
severe blows. Here in the hospital, they call him the "man of steel",  
though, so we'll hope for the best. Ken, I want you to come back with me and  
get checked out. Your captain is concerned about you. You look almost as  
pale as your partner." He took Hutch by the arm and they disappeared behind  
the ER doors.

Huggy made an appearance just in time to watch the doctor take his friend by the arm.

"What's that all about, cap'n? Did Hutch get hurt too?"

"I think he's in shock, Huggy. It happened right in front of him and there  
was absolutely nothing he could do about it."

"How's my man Starsky?"

"It's not good, Huggy, they hurried him up to surgery without even doing the  
x-rays first, said they'd start working on him up there. That can't be good."

Dr. Rice came back out and Dobey and Huggy stood to hear what he had to say.

"Captain Dobey, Ken's in shock. I've given him a sedative and he's sleeping  
now. We'll keep him that way for a while. I think this was too much for him  
to assimilate after what happened last year. I think he'll be okay once he  
wakes up. Then we'll have to deal with whatever's happening upstairs."

"Have you heard anything?"

"Not anything good. Dave's got internal injuries, added to several broken  
bones and a hard blow to the head., any one of which could cause severe  
complications. Let's hope his luck has held out."

In the ER cubicle, Hutch was tossing and turning, asleep, but restless. He  
heard his voice called, "Hutch, Hutch!" He tried to fight his way to the  
surface, but found that he couldn't open his eyes. The most he could do was  
mumble. Then he saw Starsky at his bedside. This is impossible, I can't  
open my eyes, how can I see? he thought. But it was Starsky and he looked  
fine. Hutch seemed to recall some kind of accident, the warehouse, the  
shelves! How had Starsky gotten out of that with no injuries? he wondered.  
He managed to get his eyes open and the detective was still there.

"Starsk, oh, God, Starsk! I was so scared for you. How did you get out of  
that mess without any injuries?"

"I didn't, babe, I didn't. They got what's left of my body up there in  
surgery. I just had to come see if you were all right."

"But...."

"My heart stopped a few seconds ago. I had to see you, in case, in case...."

"Go back, Starsk, get back before it's too late, please!"

"That's just it, Hutch, I don't know if I want to go back. I love you, don't  
get me wrong, but, I'm tired, so tired of the whole damn shootin' match.  
You're the only thing waitin' for me here. I'm not the man I used to be,  
blondie, I hurt all the time. I could just go on ahead and wait for you. I  
could be with my folks and Terry. I love you most, but I can't decide. I'm  
not as good a cop as I used to be, I'm slower....I just can't do the job,  
buddy."

"Hey, Starsk, you're a hero! You saved that kid's life. If it hadn't been  
for you, he'd be upstairs instead of you." Hutch reached up and caressed  
Starsky's cheek, not understanding how he could do that. He brushed the  
debris from his partner's hair and a chunk of it fell onto the blanket.

"Starsky, I need you so much. We just got together. You've got to come back  
for me." Hutch had tears running down his face at the thought of losing this  
man that he loved, the man he'd follow into hell if he had to. Starsky  
sighed and Hutch could see that the tears were in his eyes, too. Then he  
realized that his friend was fading away from him. Then he was gone.

"No, Starsk, no! Don't leave me...." Hutch's sobs brought Dobey and Huggy  
as well as the doctor to his cubicle. The doctor ordered another sedative  
and Huggy sat by Hutch until he calmed down again.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

When he woke, it was very quiet. He looked over to see Huggy sleeping in the  
chair next to the bed.

"Huggy, Hug, wake up!"

Instantly alert, Huggy sat up. "Hey, my man, how ya doing?"

"Starsky, is he ....?"

"Yeah, man, it's been touch and go. They say his heart stopped while he was  
in surgery, but he's still hangin' in there."

"I want to see him."

"Sure, I think the doc will go for that. He's up in ICU."

Hutch was still a little groggy, but he managed to throw the covers off and  
get up. There was a noise and they looked down to see a small chip of concrete.

Huggy asked, "Now how the hell did that get there?"

Hutch didn't answer. He couldn't begin to explain what had happened. He tried  
to conserve his strength and they got to the elevator and found ICU. Hutch was  
allowed to go in by himself, and , as always, winced at the sight of his  
lover hooked up to tubes, casts and wraps everywhere. But he was breathing.  
Hutch got as close as he could and whispered his name.

The beautiful dark blue eyes, with the horrible-looking bruises under them,  
opened. They were a little unfocused, but they were aware of what was going  
on. Hutch asked "Hey, babe, you going to go dancing with me?" Starsky  
grinned, then winced as he decided that smiling was an activity best suited  
for a couple days in the future.

"You stayed, babe, you stayed just for me, didn't you?"

Starsky reached out for his hand and Hutch took it and kissed it. The  
curly-haired detective whispered, "Are ya still mad at me?' Before Hutch  
could answer him, he lost his battle with the drugs and his eyes closed in  
sleep..

Hutch stayed there, just holding his hand as he slept. He had a lot of  
making up to do. He was going to have to deal with the jealousy and the way  
he'd treated the man he loved, but for right now, it was just enough to know  
that he was alive.

  
"Would you dance  
If I asked you to dance?  
Would you run and  
Never look back?  
Would you cry  
If you saw me cry?  
And would you save my soul tonight?

I can be your hero, baby  
I can kiss away the pain.  
I will stand by you forever  
You can take my breath away

  
Three days had passed since Starsky's accident in the warehouse and Hutch  
knew that sooner or later, unless the man had amnesia, they were going to  
have to have a talk about the way he'd acted toward his partner the day of  
the accident. Starsky didn't, unfortunately, seem to be an amnesiac, so  
Hutch knew he was in for it. He wondered if he should bring it up or wait  
and see if his partner laid it on his plate. He felt like such a fool,  
but he still could see Starsk draped all over Andy and every time he thought  
about it, the feeling came back all over again.

Jealousy! Who'd have thought his masculine, virile partner would be able to  
ignitepleaded these feelings that none of the women he'd dated had evoked in him?  
How was he going to learn to control his emotions without chaining the man to  
his brass headboard for the rest of his natural life? He couldn't admit to  
Starsky what was bothering him, because that would be humiliating and give  
his friend an unfair advantage. When it came right down to it, Hutch was  
rather insecure in his relationships. This one was much different from any  
other for the obvious reasons, but also because he felt more deeply for his  
partner than he'd ever felt for anyone else. He wasn't just in love, he was  
IN LOVE! This was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with,  
and he was scared. Scared that he would either screw up what they had  
between them or that he would lose this curly-haired demon, who kept him on  
edge and made his dreams so sweet, to a bullet or any number of things that  
could happen to a cop.

Hutch walked into the hospital room to find his partner in an all-out battle  
with the orderly on duty.

"You will not give me a bath. I'm perfectly capable...." Catching a glimpse  
of Hutch, he desperately pleaded, "My partner can help me if I need any  
help!"

"Hey, hey, what's going on here?" Hutch tried to referee.

The orderly was a big man, a couple inches taller and twenty pounds heavier  
than Hutch and Hutch wasn't sure he wanted to get on his bad side, but he  
knew his partner wasn't liable to back down, so he agreed he would provide  
any help his friend needed. The orderly shoved the necessary equipment into  
Hutch's hands and the die was cast. The orderly disappeared after exacting a  
promise that the bath would happen.

"Man, it's a good thing you came in right then. I didn't really want to take  
a bath," Starsky sighed with relief.

"I haven't any intention of going back on my word. You're going to let me clean  
you up and right now." Hutch bullied him.

"Guess again, blintz."

"You will!"

"Won't" The last word said in a petulant, little boy voice that meant his  
partner had grown ears and a tail and changed into something resembling a  
jackass.

"Aw, c'mon, Starsk," Hutch changed his tactics a bit. He knew his partner  
too well. "If you let me give you a washup, I'll go get you some candy bars from  
downstairs."

"How many?"

"Three, okay? Now let's get this done."

Hutch went into the bathroom and got some hot water in the pan. He drew the  
curtain around the bed and turned to find Starsky glaring at him.

"Why should I even let you touch me after the way you treated me the other  
day? You were a real ass, you know it?"

"I know, but let's not get into that until you get home, Starsk. I've got to  
think about that some more before we discuss it. Now let me get this gown  
off you." He hissed as he unveiled the bruised, battered body of his friend  
and lover. He tried to be gentle, but there seemed to be no area of the  
man's body that hadn't received its share of trauma.

It was uncomfortable for both of them. Of course, they'd been intimate with  
each other, but it was humiliating for Starsky to accept that kind of help  
and Hutch just felt guilty around his partner. He gritted his teeth and  
sponged him off all over, gently drying him as he went, then helped him into  
a fresh hospital gown. Starsky lay back exhausted when it was over. Some of  
his ribs had been broken in the accident and his right lung, punctured in the  
shooting the year before had collapsed. There had been some discussion of  
removing the lung entirely when it appeared irreparable, but as Starsky put  
it, they found enough bubble gum to reseal it and reinflate it again.

He had stitches in the back of his head and several places on his back, where  
cast-iron parts had hit him with considerable force. Once again, his  
survival was miraculous. Sometimes, Hutch found himself counting up the  
accidents, shootings, stab-wounds and poisonings and wondering, if a cat had  
nine lives, how many did a person have and where in that equation did his  
partner fit.

"Okay, where are the candy bars, blondie? I was a good boy."

Hutch put the equipment away and promised he'd get them immediately. When he  
opened the curtain, he came face-to-face with Dobey, who'd been waiting  
impatiently to see one of his favorite detectives.

Starsky brightened up to see his commanding officer and Hutch was dismissed  
with little more than a curt nod to go get the promised chocolate, showing  
Hutch just how aggravated his partner was with him.

As he got back to the room, Dobey was coming out. Putting a finger to his  
lips to indicate that Starsky had fallen asleep on him, he motioned Hutch out  
into the hallway.

"Has something gone down between you two that I should know about?" He  
asked. "I've noticed a definite chill in the air when you're together. I  
can't have that between my detectives, especially you two!"

"Cap'n, we had an argument the day of the accident. It was my fault and I've  
got to work through it. You have my guarantee that I'll make things right  
with Starsk, it's just going to take some time."

"Well, don't let it take too much time. These things are best resolved as soon  
as possible. If they're left to fester, God knows what'll happen."

"I know; I'll do my best, Cap."

"Okay, tell that partner of yours he's had enough time lying around in bed, letting  
the city pay for his keep."

"I'll do that."

"You could use some rest yourself. I don't want to see you back at work until he's at  
home and well enough to be left alone, all right?"

Thanks, Cap'n, I do feel beat."

After Dobey had left, Hutch had time to reflect on just how tired he was. He  
hadn't slept at all since this had happened, his guilt about the way he felt  
running rings around the worries he had about his partner's condition. He'd  
tried, but the twin goblins had left him sitting there unable to release the  
tension.. He was genuinely afraid of losing Starsky. Not as a partner, he  
didn't see that happening. But he knew the man wouldn't tolerate this  
jealousy Hutch felt. The dark-haired detective had been very vocal in the  
past about relationships in which one person was too possessive and had seen just  
what jealousy could do when Hutch had been involved with Diana and the devastation  
that had caused. He'd said then that if anyone started running that trip on him,he'd  
be gone before the sun set. Now it was Starsky's buddy, his pal, his  
partner, his lover who was about to shake up his world. No, Hutch just  
couldn't tell him. He would come up with some other explanation for his  
behavior.

Almost a week passed and Starsky didn't ask again, but the coolness between  
the two of them continued. He was being released the next day and Hutch had  
gotten his apartment ready for him, stocking it with all the food his partner  
loved best, buying car magazines and other reading material and even brought  
the TV into the bedroom so Starsky could watch without getting out of bed, if he  
wanted to.

As always, the man was super-anxious to leave the sterile field of the  
hospital behind and there was the usual argument with the nurse about whether  
he was going to use a wheelchair to get to the car, but Hutch told him he  
would leave him there if he didn't cooperate. He sat down in the chair,  
grumbling about partners who take advantage. It was a tense ride down in the  
elevator, even with the nurse there making polite conversation. Hutch had  
driven the Torino, because he knew it would please Starsky. He'd made every  
effort to keep him comfortable, including pillows to take some of the  
pressure off his bruised body for the ride home. It was still a nightmare  
for his partner, because he hurt in so many places.

The stairs looked impossible to climb, but with Hutch's help, Starsky slowly  
managed them and landed on the couch, panting for breath. His lung was still  
not up to full capacity yet and just breathing wore him out. Hutch brought  
his pillows in and put one under his head. Seeing that his friend was almost  
asleep, he took off his shoes and covered him with a blanket. Then he busied  
himself in the kitchen, trying to be as quiet as possible. He ducked out  
briefly to fill Starsky's prescription for pain medication, in case he needed  
it.

Starsly woke up feeling better and Hutch got him something to eat. He helped  
him into the bathroom and tried to get him to go to bed. Starsky accepted  
help undressing and allowed him to help undressing and getting in his  
pajamas, but wanted to go back out on the couch afterward. Hutch was afraid  
he knew why.

Once settled, Starsky patted the couch beside him.

"Okay, partner, I'm home. It's time to talk."

"Starsky, why don't you wait until tomorrow morning when you feel stronger?  
No need to get into this tonight."

"No way. I'm still pissed at the way you treated me. I've waited this long;  
I'm not going to wait any longer. What the hell did I do wrong?"

"Okay, I'm really sorry, Starsk, I've been having these headaches lately and  
they just turn me into the beast from hell. I didn't want to tell you and  
worry you about it, so I was trying to handle it on my own. I guess I didn't  
do very well that day."

"God, Hutch, why didn't ya tell me? Have you seen the doctor about it? I'll  
make an appointment for you...."

"Starsk, no, I went while you were in the hospital. It's just tension and  
there's nothing that can be done about it. Occupational hazard, I guess."

"Here, sit on the floor and lean against the couch, I'll rub your neck,  
that'll help with the tension. I'm sure my getting hurt hasn't helped any."

Hutch did as he was told, glad to turn away from his friend. He didn't want  
to look him in the eye anyway. First he'd doubted him, let jealousy  
overwhelm him, then he'd treated him in a way he didn't deserve to be  
treated. Now he'd compounded the whole thing by lying to Starsky and making  
him feel guilty. Damn, he was getting himself in way too deep!

He helped Starsky to bed and got the bedding out of the closet to make up the  
couch, but was stopped in his tracks by his partner.

"What's wrong with the bed, anyway? Last thing I knew we were sleepin'  
together. Has something changed that?"

"I just thought my tossing and turning might keep you up and you do need your  
sleep."

"C'mon, Hutch, what's with you? Now you're not sleeping. You're not tellin'  
me the whole story, are you?"

"No big deal, I just don't sleep so well lately. Now that you're home, I'll  
do better, I'm sure." 'Oh, god, make him just go to sleep and quit asking  
questions.' Hutch thought.

"Just go to sleep, babe, and don't worry about me, I'll be just fine." he  
soothed the dark-haired man, rubbing his back and gathering him into his  
arms, carefully, so he didn't hurt him. Starsky surrendered to sleep and the  
subject was closed. Hutch lay there feeling like the worst jerk on the  
planet until daylight started to creep through the blinds.

  
The next few days went by slowly for Hutch. He babied his partner and  
relieved some of his guilt that way, but it was always there, staring him  
right in the face. Starsky, in turn, was worried sick about Hutch, which  
completed the vicious cycle.

Hutch ducked out from time to time to bring in more groceries or get some  
delicacy he knew his partner was salivating over, but they were pretty much  
stuck there together until the day Starsky decided he'd had enough coddling  
and urged Hutch to get back to work.

"You sure you'll be all right here alone? It's only been a little over two  
weeks, Starsk."

"I can call ya if I have a problem and I've got Huggy for back up. You sure  
aren't getting much rest here. Maybe it would do ya good to go back. Even  
if it's desk duty, maybe you'll be tired enough to sleep when you come home."

Hutch was happy to go back. His conscience was working overtime and he found  
it very hard to act normally around the person he loved the most. This was  
the most excruciating experience he'd ever put himself through.

That afternoon Andy came over to visit. Hutch watched Starsky give him a  
big hug, and, yup, there it was again, fire running through his veins. He  
greeted Andy rather coolly, and then excused himself, giving some inane  
excuse that would have held water about as well as a sieve.

Once the man was gone, Starsky came and found him.

"Hey, what's between you and Andy? Did he do somethin' to hurt your  
feelings, buddy?"

"Nah, Starsk, I just thought you might like some time alone with him." 'Damn,  
why don't you just throw him at the man?' Hutch thought.

"I know talkin' about cars kinda bores you, Hutch, but he's getting the idea  
you don't like him for some reason."

Hutch thought to himself, 'Yeah, because maybe you like him too much, babe!'

"He's just not my type, Starsk." 'Unfortunately, he definitely is yours,' said  
that little voice in his head. "You and he have a lot in common, though.  
How about I go get us some dinner, how does pizza sound?"

"Real pizza, not that stuff that you call pizza?"

Hutch grinned. "Real pizza, loaded with disgusting toppings and dripping  
with cheese." He reached over and ruffled his partner's curly locks.  
"Starsk, you know how much I love you, don't you?"

Now it was Starsky's turn to light up. "Well, I haven't been so sure lately.  
You've been kinda weird. But I love hearing it." He grabbed Hutch and  
hugged him, holding him so he couldn't get away. "Ya know, I'm lots better  
and this relationship of ours hasn't been going anywhere lately.  
Maybe tonight's the night to get it back on track." He ran his fingers  
through Hutch's hair before drawing his head close enough to give him a kiss  
that scorched both of them down to their socks. Then he let go and said,  
"Hurry back, okay?"

Hutch did and after the pizza, they spent awhile on the couch just getting  
used to each other's bodies again, caressing and touching, enjoying one  
another. Starsky made the first move and pulled Hutch into the bedroom,  
where clothes flew every which way in their eagerness to pursue their  
objective. Winding down the home stretch, things came to a screeching halt.  
Starsky looked at his partner in disbelief. Hutch looked back with a forced  
smile. "Sorry, babe, it all just went south. Never happened before.  
Stress, I guess."

"Hutch, is there something you'e not telling me? Is everything all right  
between us? I'm gettin' the feeling that something's very wrong here."

'Here's your chance, dummy. 'Fess up, what do you think's going to happen?'

Hutch tried to talk himself into it, but couldn't quite admit how stupid he'd  
been.

"Just tired, Starsk. You know I love you. Don't worry about this, next time  
things will be better."

"Easy for you to say," Starsky pouted as he turned over and soon was softly  
snoring.

The next day, Hutch headed for work, happy to be going somewhere other than  
under the scrutiny of his partner. He came home feeling better than he had  
since the day of the accident.

"Lucy, I'm home," he called out as he came in the door. All of a sudden, he  
was slammed against the wall in a none-too-gentle manner. He was astonished  
to see that it was Starsky doing the slamming.

"Wha-a..." was all he could manage to get out before Starsky grabbed him by  
the arm, threw him down in the recliner and pinned his wrists to the chair  
arms.

"Now, maybe you could tell me what's going on around here," he yelled  
practically in Hutch's face.

"What do you mean, Starsk?"

"I've been so damned worried about you, that I called your doctor today to  
tell him that you're not sleeping and they haven't heard anything from you  
since your last physical three months ago. You want to tell me why you lied  
to me, buddy?" He watched as all the color drained out of Hutch's face, then  
returned in a much more crimson hue.

"Okay, okay, I'll talk. Just let loose, you're breaking my arms."

"I just might if I don't get some answers right now!" He released Hutch and  
went over to the couch, much to the blond detective's relief. He knew his  
partner and just how angry he was-- justifiably, he might add.

"I lied to you because I was feeling some emotions that were disturbing and  
embarrassing to me and I didn't want to admit them to you or anyone."

"What, there's somebody else in your life, Hutch?" Starsky looked stricken.

"Well, yes, in a way. The day of the accident, when I came into the  
cafeteria and saw you there, leaning all over Andy, I just kind of went  
haywire." He still couldn't say the word, because jealousy was an emotion  
that signified lack of control to Hutch, and if anything, he needed his life  
to be in control.

"You were jealous, over me?" Starsky smirked, then the storm cloud was back.

"Wait a minute, you thought there could be something between me and Andy,  
with all the years we've had together? All the times I've stood up and  
watched your back, you've trusted me with your life, but you can't trust me  
with your love? Where's this comin' from, Hutch? And why couldn't you just  
have told me, instead of treatin' me like you did and then lying to me,  
makin' me worry myself sick over you?"

"I'm sorry, Starsk, it snowballed and came to a point where I just couldn't  
tell you. I was so ashamed of myself. I thought about you in that hospital  
bed, a hero. You remember the day Tim Cavanaugh came to see you at the  
hospital?"

"Sure, why?"

"I was all set to tell you that day. But when he and his folks came in and  
thanked you for saving his life, I could remember all the times you've set  
your life aside. Way back to Viet Nam, when you got your squad out of that  
prison camp. You're a hero, to me and to everybody and I was having these  
doubts about you. I know you wouldn't betray me any more than you'd have  
betrayed those guys in Nam, but I just couldn't get past it. I want you all  
to myself, even if I have to tie you down to accomplish that.. I'm sorry,  
I'm sorry I lied, I was afraid of losing you."

Hutch got up and went into the kitchen. He found he really needed a beer,  
before he heard what was coming next. As he stood by the counter to open it  
the bottle, he felt Starsky's arms come around him and enfold him like a warm  
blanket. Lips touched his hair, then he was turned around and there were  
strong hands under his chin, lifting his face so he was looking into the most  
intense pair of deep blue eyes. The eyes weren't angry anymore; they looked  
at him as if he were a prized jewel.

"Babe, I don't know how to convince you, but if you want, I won't even  
associate with Andy anymore. You mean that much to me. I don't want to hurt  
you or make you doubt us. That's all that's important, US, not job or  
friends or even family. We've had this relationship for years and you were  
never jealous, it's just that you're unsure of what's happening between us.  
It'll get better once you realize I want nobody but you. I'm even flattered,  
but I won't take advantage of this. I'll walk the straight and narrow,  
makin' sure that you know where I am at all times until you feel comfortable,  
okay? Now the lyin' part makes me doubt you and I don't want to have to  
doubt you. Promise me you won't lie to me again. I've always trusted ya as  
my partner, Hutch, now I gotta be able to trust ya as my lover, or I'm gonna  
end up bein' the one with insecurities."

Hutch carded his long fingers through Starsky's thick, rich curls and looked  
him straight in the eyes. "I promise, babe, I've suffered enough over this  
whole thing, I don't ever want to go through it again."

"Good, now if I remember, last night we were in the middle of somethin', and  
you left me hanging, so to speak. Do you think you could bring yourself to  
do something about that now?"

"Oh, yeah", Hutch said dragging his partner toward the bedroom.

THE END

 


End file.
